excitement rises with anticipation

Wow! Today has been a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. My parents commented earlier today that I seemed agitated, and frazzled. I didn't notice it in myself, until I really starting thinking about why I seem this way.

It's my last day before camp starts.

I can't believe it is already here. The winter and spring months went by so quickly and I feel like I should be still wearing sweaters and boots. I've been told growing up that the older you get, the faster time seems to go. I see now how true that is. But is it really because I'm older, or is it just because I'm busier and weighed down with more concerns and worries?

Nonetheless camp is upon me whether I am ready or not. I do not think that I will ever really "feel ready" though. I like things to be perfect and I'm an obsessive planner. I could plan forever and not be content,but this is not an option for the summer. I must push forward and trust the Lord to come through for all my failures. Through my many thoughts today I've decided to compile a list of things to meditate on for the summer and be challenged by.

1. God is in control, not me.
2. God will bring His plans to completion, even if I fail to follow through with all of mine.
3. My attitude will set the tone for my staff - positive=positive, negative=negative.
4. It's not about me! It's about me serving.
5. I need to surrender everything in order to receive complete freedom.
6. My trust is in God, not in myself - I will only let myself down, God will not.
7. constructive criticism is my friend, not my enemy.
8. God has called me to be the Day Camp Coordinator, and he will not leave me hanging in my time of need. He will fully enable me to do all that is required if I only pull my strength from Him.
9. I need to be intentional with every second given to me.
10. I am unworthy to even wash the feet of my Savior, yet he has called me to proclaim this Message He has given us. "Why yes, I'll take a slice of that HUMBLE PIE!"

My heart races with the thoughts and implications of all this summer entails. I can almost guarantee that this will be a very defining summer for me in my leadership skills, organizational skills, and trust skills. My faith will be defined in a new way, and my ability to cope with little sleep with be tried.

So here I go, I'm taking the plung. I inhale and dive head first into a summer that I am sure not to forget.

My faith and hope is placed into His hands. Here I stand before my Lord, completely surrendered.

It's not about me

I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while now...and I finally decided to just do it before the summer starts and I no longer have any time to figure all this stuff out. My purpose behind this blog is not to whine or simply post my opinions on matters, but to sincerely reflect on how God is growing me, and share with others how I am being challenged. Not only this summer will I be journaling more personal ways that I am growing and my faith is being challenged, but I've felt led to create this blog to reflect upon how in a bigger picture I grow each week. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I will be tested, stretched, challenged, and pushed more this summer than I probably ever have in this capacity. As the baby of my family, leading and making independent decisions do not come naturally to me. So although it is a spiritual gift that God has blessed me with, when I am doing it on my own strength I fail miserably. I've seen what God has done through me when it's for his glory and on His strength, and I've seen how I've fallen on my face when I have been focused on myself and gaining my own glory.

So leading into this summer, I have made it a daily challenge to focus first and foremost on serving the Lord, but secondly on serving others. Although this seems like such an easy concept to grasp, I've found that it is not a easy concept to attain. More often than not I find myself falling into a "self-focused" mindset. I am a very driven, task-oriented, results focused person. So loving others, and serving them usually comes second best to my check list of things that need accomplished. I have found myself so consumed these past few weeks with things that need done in preparation for camp, that I have been missing the relational opportunities with others I speak with on the phone, and through other times of interaction.

I was reading today in Matthew a story of Jesus and his disciples. His disciples asked him "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" to which he answers that the humble and those that are like children are the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. This has caused me to ponder what the characteristics of a child are. Meek, loving, trustworthy, care-free, forgiving, and innocent. Jesus is also found proclaiming that the least will be the greatest, and the greatest the least.

So what does this mean to me for this summer. It's not about me. If I go into the summer with an self-focused attitude, I will ultimately fail. I intend to go into the summer, and serve now, with love, trust, forgiveness, integrity, and ultimately, by placing my entire life and plans into the Lord's hands. Growing up I didn't wonder if I was going to have food, or if my parents loved me. I didn't worry about it, because I trusted them to take care of me. When things get crazy this summer-which they undoubtedly will- I intend to trust that God will take care of everything. Besides it's not about me anyway. It's all about Him.