College is expensive...knowledge is priceless -and other soapbox talks

*Disclaimer- my comments aren't directed towards the entire face of Christianity, but the state that "most" Christians today live in. I do know many strong Christ followers who are not in the least complacent.

I am quickly learning that college is expensive. Can you say "cha ching"? My bank account is especially hurting right now as I have just paid on last years school loan from LBC, and this years tuition from Liberty, and books for my classes which start...dare I say it....tomorrow. I cannot believe that I start my sophomore year tomorrow-can't I please just fly away to neverland and stop growing up? But regardless of my reservations to grow up, I am excited to learn. If there's one thing I've discovered about myself is I love to learn...crazy I know. Reading has always been a favorite hobby of mine, but I just thought it was because I could escape into a fantasy world where there were always "happily ever afters" and good always overcame evil. And although I secretly think that that is still why I read so much growing up and continue to do so, I am starting to see that it stemmed from my love to learn new things. I learned more about history through reading romance novels, than I did sometimes in my text books for grade school. I learned more about God through reading Scriptures and other sound Christian books, that I often did in church. I've learned more about myself and who I desire to be through reading who other people are and were...even if they were made up.

As I was riding home from Lancaster today from a 1st birthday party for my cousins son, I decided I was going to get a head start on my reading for school and finish all my reading assignments for my evangelism class for this first week. As I sat engrossed in the book I was reading- Evangelism is...- I was struck by how much I was focused on this book. I was soaking up the words on the page as the ground soaks up the water after a drought. Knowledge is wonderful, but I have found that it can come with costs. As I paused my reading, I started to ponder the change that has began to occur in me over the past few years. I have become very hardened to complacent churches, lukewarm Christians, and two-faced people. I used to be such a compassionate person. In fact compassion is one of my top three spiritual gifts. But I wondered how I became so hard towards my own people. Parents and friends keep telling me, "Faith, no one is perfect. You have too high of expectations on them." but I just can't shake my frustration towards them. And then I realized where the transformation took place, I have grown in my knowledge and tasted and seen what is good. I've been to the other side and I'm not going back to the way so many Christians live today. And I expect everyone else to follow suit, and when they don't I grow frustrated. But in reality they don't know anything different from what their living. They haven't tasted and seen what is great. They've only gotten a glimpse of what is good. My frustration occurs then when nothing I say makes sense to them, and I in fact get rebuked for speaking out. How hard is it to find a truly sold out Christ follower, who is living their life for the sake of Jesus Christ? It's not easy by far. I see people post on their facebooks that they are Christians and those same people also have pictures of them scantily clothed in itsy bitsy bikinis, low cut tops, holding beer bottles, having curse words within their status', and all in all reflecting nothing that Christ stands for. I learned today-in my evangelism book for school!- that there is only 4% difference in the attitudes and actions of Christian professing youth, from those who don't claim the Christian faith. Somehow I feel this percentage doesn't change much when you go from youth to adults. I always thought, I'll grow up and be an adult and things will be better than when I was just a teenager. But I am sad to say, I'm more disappointed...actually disgusted, with the adults surrounding me, than I am the youth. People grow angry with the youth of today for their actions, but I look to the leaders of today for blame. Now I'm not saying that the entire fault lies upon the shoulders of leadership, for I believe everyone is responsible for themselves, but I do believe a great deal has to do with leadership. This is where adults fall short in my mind. They get to the point in their lives where they're done with school, they have families, a house, a job, so what do they do? The same old, day in and day out. They grow into a routine of complacency. A very wise professor once told me, "Faith, never stop reading books. Never stop learning new things and studying new concepts. Your mind doesn't stop growing after college ends. Feed it with the real food it craves." I will never forget Dr Smith. He taught me some of the most valuable things that will stay with me until the day I die...or get to old to remember. A thought struck me the other day as I tried to mentally prepare to start up another year of college, one that surprised me. I thought, I wish I could take college classes forever. WOAH! Hold up, back it up. I don't like college right? Well yes I dislike how hard I have to work sometimes; the late nights; days where all I do is sit and read until I fall asleep with my face in a book; the quizzes that scare me silly. But I love to learn and grow in knowledge. I don't think you have to go to college to learn, but I do think you have to learn.

So whatever it may mean, leap out of complacency and grab a book and start growing the mind God gave you. He didn't intend our growth and knowledge to halt when we finish school. It's a never-ending thing...but you have to want it, be discerning, and seek out ways to learn. So it's like Nike...just do it!I sure intend to!

Unashamed Love

You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

Of a child-like faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love


This has been the song of my heart these past few weeks of inner turmoil. I am still struggling, with what, I'm not sure. But I still feel out of sorts and uneasy. But as I rest this next week before school and work start back up I intend to open myself up to the Lord and allow him to work in my life. I desire to love him unashamedly and wholeheartedly. Please pray that I will find peace within my soul, and contentment in His grace.

clinging to Him,
Faith

Thus begins a new chapter

As I close my summer I reflect on the many ways that God has blessed me, and the many ways He has remained faithful to me. I still don't know that I have all my thoughts together, or that I can even remember half the summer. I can see that God was my strength this summer, for when I look back I can't remember half of what I said, or did. It's as if there's a fog surrounding my thoughts, a shadow that conceals what I once knew so vividly. So as I try to write this, hold on and accept that I am still trying to process.

First off I saw God's hand at work in many ways. Some material ways were we didn't run out of water at all this summer, even when we had a pipe burst on the cistern, even when we had a drought and no rain for weeks...something tells me God was at work in that. Also we were able to raise enough money for our campership fund to bring underprivileged campers to Joy El. I remember how much it was at the beginning of the summer, and how we prayerfully watched it come down as we made phone calls and even pitched in some of our own money. Now as we have closed the summer, we actually have money in the account for upcoming retreats this fall. What a huge blessing from God.

As I look at how God worked in the lives of the campers, I rejoice to know that I now have 183 new brothers and sisters as a result of this summer at Camp Joy El!!! And more than 300 children rededicated their lives to the Lord. Various others received assurance of their salvation, and others made decisions to be kind to their parents, share God's Word with others, and read their Bibles. I saw little children lives changed for a matter of eternity. My prayer for them now, is that they wouldn't become discouraged by the world, or return to their worldly ways, but that they would be transformed by the power of the Spirit of God. (Heb 12:2) I pray and hope that these children will stick with their commitments and that Satan would not discourage their hope in the Lord.

I also love to reflect on how I saw the staff grow this summer. It was such a privilege to be able to recruit most of the senior staff that served this summer. I saw them and talked with them through their fears of committing to the full summer. And watched and prayed diligently as many with great uncertainty submitted their application and went through the entire process. Many I called daily to push to get the rest of their information in, or even just to encourage to join our team. Then staff training arrived, and I had the opportunity to meet them face to face, and see their strengths and possible weaknesses, and figure out how to harness their strengths and help them to focus on using them. As the summer progressed, I watched the shy, become outgoing, those with attitudes become selfless, those who were uptight, grow relaxed, and those who were uncertain, gain confidence in the Lord. I can't think of a single staff member who's life or perspective wasn't changed this summer.

Then I look at my own life, and this is where it becomes much of a blur. All I remember is many tiny little faces who could fill my heart will joy at a single grin or giggle. My kids. How I love them...I cried at the thought of many of them leaving camp and not knowing when I might see them again. I wept over many who I know went home to rough family situations. I loved these kids with more than I realized I had within me. Their voices, faces, names and the precious things they did float through my thoughts as I realize how much I truly and deeply miss them. I couldn't ask for a better job this summer. Now did I do my job perfectly this summer?...not by far. I still have much to learn when it comes to mentoring and leading my staff. I feel most of it stems from the fact that I am a baby of my family, and also that I feel inadequate. Maybe those things are what keep me humble, but they are also what can hold me back from being the leader I should be at times. If I could go back and change one thing about my summer, it would be my intentionality and creativity with my staff. I was so driven and focused on the win, and the campers, that I missed investing into them many times. I am thankful for how God taught me though. I wouldn't need him if I already had everything together. I wouldn't learn anything if I didn't fail first. So because of my failures and inadequacies I am thankful...and even...dare I say it?...joyful. A different concept to process, but something I more than willing to cling to. See, I have realized that people-children, friends, family, summer staff- they come and go. None of them will stay in my life forever. People move away, get married, go to college, move into different social circles, and even pass away. There is nothing and no one consistent in my life...only Jesus.

Now as I look to the fall, I am filled with much confusion and anxious thoughts. I don't have a peace about something, but I don't know that something is or why I don't have a peace. I'm not content and I'm not at ease. I can't figure out if I just haven't had time to really process everything-that's what I'm trying to claim right now- or if something traumatic is going to happen, or if I made a bad choice for my fall. My hearts desire is to go away to college, as it has been for the past few years of my life, but I am at Camp working part time on top of online classes. I love working at camp and I know that I am learning so much under the leadership there. I have grown so much from working there last summer, this past winter and spring, and this summer. I also love learning online. I don't like to sit still for lectures, or study and take notes, and online classes provide me with the opportunity to teach myself out of books and other resources to where I don't have to take notes or study because of the learning style. Both of those things are good in my life...but I don't have peace about either at this moment in time. Maybe I'm just tired, maybe I just need a break, maybe I need to learn to be content with my unknown future, or maybe God is trying to tell me something. Oh how I wish I knew what He is trying to tell me, for my time is quickly ticking away and soon I will be thrust into this life whether it's right or not. For now I choose to cling to the Lord and trust that He will reveal His plan to me in due time. This is not an easy task, and I know it will require daily surrender on my part, but I refuse to distrust the one who has done so much for me. He gave His life for me, to choose to distrust Him would be a slap in the face...something I am unwilling to do to my precious Lord and Savior. I ask that you would pray with me as I sort through what my life will look like this fall semester.

So here I go, I take another step forward in hope, and turn the page to start a new chapter in my life.